{light}
I had this inkling it was coming. Creeping up on me all secret sassy like from behind oh about mid-October. It lurked heavy-like in the ever-urgent form it so effortlessly takes. Right along with the plethora of custom designs to complete for k.Mac, lessons to commence & conclude with the boys not to mention the holidays to prepare for and rockstar celebrate {the Gobble and Christmas}, my awareness of its presence was heightened.
You see, I have this wicked relationship with endings. I love and then hate them all the same. I look forward to new then sulk-sit at the empty of what's been left behind me. I contemplate my shortcomings of growth. Often, I look less at the lots of good I have lived out and lean heavy on the lack, the loss or the left out on my yearly to-do list. This pattern sits securely in its place: daily, weekly, monthly. And with the roar of month #10, I get cray-cray antsy over the whole 3-6-5.
Months #11 and #12 roll by. All kinds of freaky fast. Then it's just me and those last days. Ooh, they get me too. Those last hours of the calendar year seem to take the brunt of it all. The whole dang year bleeds out for me in those last days. And, here I sit. In them. NOW. Looking back and longing for what just didn't happen. What I wanted more of and what I wish would've never come my way. Reflections revel me. They mark time. And if you're like me, you sit with them in this suspended energy of holding on and letting go.
I knew this transition from odd to even on the calendar needed a bridge. I needed something to help secure my balance as I motioned myself into this next official time capsule of breaths. I needed it. It was important for me this time. This rounding out and rolling over deserved me moving on with a reminder of the good and of the grace of me. Through Him.
Thus, the sparkle series was born. This gathering of words has been growing since early month #10. It's been fostered by my regret. And stronger still, it's been strengthened by the greatness of this roller coaster life we all get one chance to ride. This is my take on moving on. It's my words. My message. My dreams for balance and finding my rock steady of goodbye and hyper-helladope-hope of hidy as #12 turns #1.
When I think of the word, sparkle, I smile. Shiny new cars. Fingernail polish freshly done. My mind rests around diamond rings propped & pronged in wait for the bride-to-be in crushed red velvet lined boxes and polished silver placed just so next to crisp Christmas linens. Sweet little boys with eyes innocent and open. Soft, wet smooth skin just out of the bathtub in wait of a warm towel wrapped around by no one else but Mama.
I see glorious Christmas trees glittery & grand. Rising to the tops of the sky for brilliance's sake. Beholding an arsenal of beams and intricacies of hues in celebration of the savior's birth.
The glowing cast of a flickering candle. Full of personality, it dances. Swaying all flirty-like against the iridescent glass. My mind rests there. The more I stare, the more convicted I am of its peace; the more I am wooed by its symbol of warmth.
I think of glistening sunsets after a long day. Tie dyed skies swirl a myriad of colors bright and everything marvelous for tired eyes to soak in sweetness and rest in His splendor.
And spectacular fireworks to celebrate our freedom. Crackly, they boom. Like shouts of glory, "We are FREE!"
Sparkle happens all around us. In the midst of manmade and in the greatness of Him, we are surrounded by shine. Undeniable sparkle. In hopes to get-to-the-grit of this glitter, more importantly grow inside this glisten, I aim to look what it takes to shine. My best representation for my thoughts revolve around the star. Abundantly, stars illuminate our nights. They cast glows like blankets from above. The star is where my mind moves.
Curiosity always aims to please, doesn't it though? And with my star symbol set, I was on a mission to research the components of those magnificent glitter sprinkles above. Stars are composed mainly of 2 gases. These gases are hydrogen and helium. Wanna know how a star is created? Hydrogen protons collide with one another to yield an explosion. This explosion produces helium which creates energy and gives off light.
Stars are constantly exploding too. The longevity of a star is endless. It would take billions of years for the explosions to use all of a star's fuel.
Let me get this straight. The collision of 2 separate entities creates energy, thus producing light. And it's there always. The explosions. The fuel. The energy. The light.
Holla.
Exactly what I needed to hear. Exactamundo.
The beginning foundation of my bridge is light. It's the reason for sparkle. It defines dimensions. It determines distance too. It's feeling. Airy and upward. The let loose of a laughter uncontrolled. It's the act of love and the meaning behind good deeds. Light lifts us. Guides us. Separates us from dark.
I can't help but metaphorically replace my past & present with the protons of hydrogen. They must collide to create energy. And light. Lots of it. My left-behind and lost causes are not but the next collision on the course to explode. Do you know that hydrogen is one of the lightest elements? It is. It's also the most abundant. And when hydrogen protons collide, it forms water.
Huuuuuuuh-OLLA.
Water hydrates. It saturates the thirsty; it satisfies the weak. Water. Humans are made of 75% of it. Puhleeese tell me someone else is going there with me?? Me. Us. My past and my present CAN collide. And explode. Only to make more energy and light. And through it all, I can be replenished and satisfied. Nourished even.
So, I'm in. I am tee-totally down with the light. Down with the stars. I am ready for nourishment. For more energy and more light. God does not dilute the details. He dazzles in them. His creations all conform to his glory. That includes the stars. That includes you. And me too. His plan to make us more is there in the collisions. In the hydration of peace and the purpose of light. Bring on the twinkle. I am here to shine.
The Sparkle Series. You ready?
#shinedown
.mac :)