{vision}

Well, hey there & hello.  How you doin', twenty-fourteen?  It's day 13 and it's time.  Time to unleash the mac on this new year.  If you know me well, then you get that I am a woman who swings in ferocious fashion by the pendulum of extremes.  No, say it isn't so?  Seriously now?  Yes, I am all or nothing.  I have been since I was just a tee-tiny little girl rockin' my pink Nikes and side ponytail. One can imagine what being married to me is like. Oh, that Kenny is a gem of a man I tell you.  If I want my hair short, then it might as well be a pixie cut.  {my 1st year of marriage}.  If I want my hair long, then it's gonna be as close to Crystal Gayle as I can get it. Stringy in a sea of split ends. {my current hair}  If I love the color orange, then goodness sakes alive, my living room better be painted it.  If a movie makes me cry, it's nothing short of a self controlled hyper ventilation complete with snorts, wheezes and waterfalls of salty drops.  Snot on CAP LOCK sounds more like it.  God just didn't make me the covert kind.  Game face. What's that?

A new year evokes all kinds of feelings of grandeur in my ticker.  I want to run 20 marathons, write 70 books, laugh loud and the most often, buy the mint green wedges with the lightning gold trim not to mention the red moccasins I am in desperate search of.  You know, the ones with the fringe?  I want to win Teacher of the Homeschooling Year {TOHY} and make all my own household cleaners PLUS travel the world, don't you know? I want to plan my family's dinners monthly and have them all pre-made and sorted-stuffed into my freezer in alphabetical order, of course, with all their tiny dates for serving printed neatly in Sharpie marker on the outside of the containers.  No, scratch that.  With a label maker.  I want to attend the CMA awards as a seat filler and wear sparkles at least three five times a week.  I want to dance on plank wood floors lit by twinkling lights strung and not care one bit if I am the only one on the dance floor.  And I want a singing voice.  A dang good one too.   Ah, yes.  Not quite exactly the image of the Proverbs 31 woman, but it's kinda like my version.

For the all-or-nothing gal, a new year equates to perfection.  You want perfection, Meghan. And the hardest part on people like me?  We.are.delusional.  And we really think we can attain it. Perfection. Sparkles.  A good singing voice.  Homeschool Teacher of the Year.  The perfect red moccasins too.

Now let me be the first to stop you.  Halt you in your tracks even.  A perfectionist does not see themselves as superior.  Nope.  Not one bit. You need to understand that a perfectionist never once deems themselves above.  It's quite the opposite actually.  A perfectionist has an ever-lasting conviction obsession with the pursuit of being the Bionic Woman, Martha Stewart, Jillian Michaels & Mother Teresa all in one.  They are rarely satisfied with the who they are.  This is a wicked sickness I tell you. WHUUUU-ICK-ID. While often it breeds success, it also reeks havoc on the health and happiness of the girl desperate for the pixie cut only to decide the milli-second the long locks hit the floor that "No.  No, now I want to be Crystal Gayle."  NOW. Right now.

So, I'm honest.  I'm just being honest with what we're working with here, okay?  No need to label it any other way. I guess that's why I decided to settle into my new 2014 for just a bit before getting all hype with the New Year-New You vibe.  Because if we're being honest here, and we are, it's pretty clear cut at this stage of the game that I operate on more of a New Second-New You kinda life.  Exhausting, but I'm working on it, peeps.  Ah, transparency.  It feels good, doesn't it?  

My word for 2014 is VISION. I want a clear one.  Honest with the eyes that I have been given.  The ones that imperfectly rely on glasses way more than they used to.  I want to cut my hair, but I am looking for a mid range bob instead of the Sigorney Waever Aliens haircut.  This is the kinda 2014 I wanna have.  Moderation.  Meditation.  Memories.  Meaningful. More of me in ways growing & good.  I have given myself the single word challenge with rhythm in 2012 and connect in 2013.  These previous challenges have given me soil to sink my toes into.  Soil rich with the dirt and the nutrients of a life worth living.  These challenges have aroused honesty within myself; with the who I am.  Each time that I squish my bare feet into the particles of start, my life lends itself to better. Not always easy.  But always better.  Always.

I pray more. I forgive more.  I find joy more.  I fight the fight and let grace win.

In my defeat, He is victorious. In me.  Through me. Yes, I am learning to enjoy the mud underneath my toenails and the rusty clay stains tattooed to the callouses on my crackled heels.  For in those stains, I find the better of me.  As God's child, Kenny's wife, mother to Eli & Casey and a friend and relative to some of the most fantastic people on this planet, I couldn't give them any more than my better.  Gosh, it just feels right so I'm gonna go on ahead and roll with it:  "Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

Cheers to 2014.

.mac :)