{trending}
There's so much about parenting that scares the bejeebers out of me. It's one of those professions you come at not so much trained, but oh so much willing. Or at least most of us are I would imagine. Willing that is. Life is gifted to you. YOU. To raise. Train. Rear up if you will. And there's no return policy on this life. Not even a 30 day money back guarantee. "I'm sorry, but this child wasn't the best fit for me and my personality. I'd like to try a different size, please." Nope. Not allowed. It's the one profession where you can't lean back on your credentials with a hand in the air professing, "I got this, homey." We good.
Now, let's take into consideration that most families have more than one child. And, it's almost a given that you do not produce clone personality types in each offspring. So, now here you sit with the plural of you & your spouse each one differently identified and in their own way. And, you are in charge of guiding and moving them into the best human they can be.
Are anyone else's armpits sweating or is it just me?
Let's not forget the hoopla of us that we bring into this equation either. "Awe Meg, do you really need to remind of us of that?" Yup. I do. As adults, we come roaring into this parenting scene going at it with one of 2 choices. Choice A: all hyped up on our history destined to change its course with the little bambino we just made. And then there's choice B. Perhaps we are clueless of the scars of who we are only to wreak havoc unintentionally on the heart of the freshly skinned babe in our ignorant arms.
Pits stank yet anyone?
Parenting is the most underestimated, under-appreciated art forms. It's the only profession I can think of that requires all of you: mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, not just during on-the-clock hours. Why? Because parents are always on-the-clock. Children watch. They learn what they see.
Who me? I'm still a greenie. My 2 are growing boys. Not babies, but not young men either. I have much yet to experience with the misters-who-cameth-from-my-womb. I cannot send this post out into cyberspace only to protest that I undoubtedly have the formula for the trump tight child. You know, the magic pixie dust potion that your entire family ingests only to ensure you'll produce the super kid. The kid whose smile has that sparkles cha-ching right there in the corner like in all the cartoons.
No, I can't offer you a plan of certainty. But, I can offer you what's trending in our home. {Can I get a high five for working the jargon of 2014?}
Time
Invest yours in them. Sit with them in what they love. Hold their passions respectfully in your hands. Try not to prod them into perfection or pigeon hole them for that matter. Let them experience what happy feels like. Hiccups too. Hurts even more. And be there for them. For all three. Sometimes I think as parents we tend to get wrapped up in the packaging of our children. Like where you freak out if their outfit isn't Gymboree and matching. Or, when you suck them silly with the hopes of reproducing a mini Lego version of you. Most oftentimes, I believe we do this without even realizing we are. Dude, it's okay. Just stop it. Step back, take a big honkin' breath and get back into the spirit of them. Play cards, watch movies, take hikes, eat sandwiches and giggle, play music, read to them. READ TO THEM. TV will pale in comparison if you grab just the right books, I tell you.
Model
Allow your kiddos to see you sacrifice and serve not only them, but your spouse and your community. Children need to see it's not about them all the time. They need to see service and compassion. They need to see you stop what you are doing to greet your spouse at the door. They need to see you bring goods to the homeless shelter or to the community pantry. They need to see your face and what it looks like in the middle of a smile or in the center of sadness with tear filled eyes. They need to feel your love heading outward just as much to them as they do to others.
Talk
About it all. Spend time in conversations about what they love. Ask questions. Inquire and get to know what makes them glow on the inside. Keep perspective on how they see the world. When peculiar questions come your way, field them. NEVER BELITTLE. I consider it a privilege that our boys come to me about anything they have a question about. I never want that door to close. Don't be afraid to say you don't have all the answers. The last thing a child needs is a role model that they see as perfect. There are WAY too many people in this world fighting the hidden "S on the chest" syndrome. Perfection is no joke an no fun. Tell stories. You know, like campfire ones or ones that they used to share on Little House on the Prairie when all they had was each other and those yummy cakes Ma used to bake over the fire. Dang, I would love to have one of Ma's cakes. They sound out-of-this-world. Lastly, LISTEN. A child needs to see turns. A time to speak and a time to hear & understand.
Faith
Pray. Yes, pray. God knows each tiny hair and bone particle of your creation{s}. He was the one who chose you to be their parent. He has the plan and as much as our little earthling self thinks we do, um we don't. Where we fall short, He falls in. To your child's heart. To the hope of the who in which He has mighty plans. Let go of a lot of it each and every day. Stick close to His side for guidance.
Sometimes my prayers go like this:
"God, I straight up don't know how to handle Eli's anger. I don't know the right way to respond or the right way to react. I need you. Take over for me when these moments happen. Give me the what I am to do. Provide me with the heart to handle Eli in the way I need to. Give me the chance to make him move past these moments."
And it helps. I am so much more of a productive parent when I hand it over with the full intent of hustlin' my hiney off for what He deems me to do. Parenting books and child rearing philosophies all have their hard earned place, don't get me wrong. But, the bare bones relationship I have with God when it comes to my boys is, by far, my most valuable resource.
Failure
Your gonna. They are too. This is where that ole word "VISIONARY" comes into play. Geez, I stink at this one probably the most. A good leader is visionary. I know this. You can research it. It's totally one of the traits of a highly effective person. You have to be able to look past the stained and sour of the now to see the clearer picture of what is to come. That's how life rolls. When the boys make a mistake or when I do for that matter, I am working on handling it with grace and consequence. Consequences are a part of life. If you don't pay your mortgage, eventually you lose your home. Children need to experience this cause/effect on their level. They need to see that life isn't always a McDonalds' Happy Meal with a FREE prize waiting underneath all those gloriously golden crisp salty strings of fried goodness {#bestfriesever}. I think there are too many kids out there waiting on their FREE. I'm all about the prize, don't get me wrong. But life, as a child, has to mimic life in this world. So, those conversations that involve, no time on the X-Box or iPad because you chose not to clean your room...they need to happen. They need to happen in a real kinda way. Kids are brilliant when it comes to calling someone's bluff. If you threaten it and never do it, well you better go on ahead and katy bar the door. Now, grace. Ahhh. It's such a great word. Kiddos need to see and feel it. Grace is not, "Oh, you acted like total brat in the grocery, but you sat quietly for me while I unloaded the groceries. Here, let's go pick out a toy now." Nope. They don't need that. They need the words. The words, yes. Not the things. NOT THE THINGS! They need a one-on-one conversation with eye contact that says, "I love you. I love you tons and tons. And I am proud of the who I see you growing into. God has manufactured something totally awesome when He made you. I want you to know that I forgive you for the poor choice you made. I want you to know that I am going to work with you to see you become the best you can be." And then they need a hug. A big one. Full on & ferocious. No pansy tapping of the shoulder. That's it. At least that's what they're getting in our home. I gotta believe that when my actions match my words and my heart, that my children are getting the absolute best of me.
Trending. In this house, the above is. Do Kenny and I fail Eli and Casey? Yep. We do. Life's hustle and tired eyes make monsters of us more than I would like. But we're learning. Better yet, we're leaning into what has been entrusted to us. Two little boys ready for life. They're ours and we're theirs. An equation of 4 God orchestrated. No diplomas or certificates stamped declare us able. But, ready or not here we come. Thank goodness for deodorant.
.mac :)
{week 3: my 2 in 52}
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