Not really there. That's what I think of when neutral comes to mind. Undecided. Blah. Generic. My personality & Punky Brewster-esque closet most certainly throws all kinds of swear words at this sandy hue.
To be neutral is to live on the fence. Not certain of the direction you're headed, you become freeze framed in the proverbial neither here nor there. Neutral ground evokes feelings of indecisiveness. Notions of lull. Perhaps even a place where scaredy cats hunker, hiding cowed down & shivering, just until the big ole alley cats leave the dumpster scene. Ravenous & weak, they scurry back out into the light for what crumbs might be found to complete their existence for just a little while longer.
It's how I've felt about neutral.
This week I've been writing to you about best. More specifically, about how best feels when rivaled against busy. I've laid claim to the perfection that haunts me. The rush of lots and how it fills space. Of its pushes to perform & please even louder than the previous. Here I showed her face. I've spoken about battling perfection in our home. With one beautiful exhale, the importance of story is healing the nowness of me. I've come to a place where blessing & budget have built more of our space than just an overextended credit card balance & a truck load of Target-TJ Maxx-Pottery Barn trinkets.
I've even shown you a little glimpse at best in my boys. How we're finding it. How we're feeling it too. With dainty whiskers and peach fuzz fluff, Best naps curled & swaddle-cupped in my hands. And why is that I'm looking for ways to nurture her? Because I can no longer be the scaredy cat to perfection. My bones hurt from hiding. From the bentness of me. I no longer want the leftovers for sustenance until the next alley cat posse passes on through.
There's a word that describes this preconceived mindset I possess regarding this nothing tone otherwise known as neutral. The word is prejudice. Much like the many ways we still fight the battle of skin color & gender even now. With religious beliefs. With the "you are less and I am more" mindset. With the race to
live thrive. And surface dwelling. Prejudice consumes our hearts so swiftly. It's consumed mine. Cold & scared, I've cowered behind the dirty dumpsters. Have the bullies left yet? Are they gone from the alley? Not in the least. Licking their paws, they stroke satisfaction with full bellies as those big ole alley cats live in me.
Prejudice of self is real. It lives as much on the surface as it does deep down in your bones. It's suffocating the art God created in you. Over & over & over. All because you doubt the worth He efforts inside you. Daily the battle rages on. You against you. And then you against the world. Surface dwelling becomes all you know. All you can imagine. The push to please and the medals to win are forceful & so very fixating.
But here she sleeps in my hands. Napping peacefully with all the breathes she can muster. Her tail is curled all the way around her tiny growing body until it reaches the tip of her pouty pink nose. Her whiskers stretched out just because they can. Plump paws crossed, she dreams of pouncing. Not for the kill. But for butterfly chasing through green meadows and for climbing that big ole oak tree just by the barn. She lives on neutral ground. She feels the safety that surrounds her. Not caged or clawing for her life. She settles herself in stillness and can only think of what more adventure & discovery there is to have.
Neutral ground is necessary. It's anything but indecisive or blah. It's the bright open space where perfection loses footing. Neutral ground has no ladders for climbing. No hatred planted or fear growing. It's that vulnerable tiny kitten called Best. She lives curious. She knows growing. Full of hope & ignorant to anything but dreams and the potential that they might just come true.
It's the ground I'm standing on now more than ever thanks to Him who efforts my insides a little more beautiful each & everyday. Those alley cats come around less frequently for their feeding frenzies. And my swear words towards this sandy hue have ceased. Neutral, I like you. Very much, I do.
To read view another post with navy + nude, visit here.
I am using the hashtag #bestoverbusy on social media this week. Capture your moment of#bestoverbusy on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook and share it. I’d love to see. You can reference me @meghancobble if you like. To read more about my #bestoverbusy series, visit here.