Absorbing light. That's kinda awesome when you think about it, isn't it? The older I get, the more I hope to do just this. Absorb. I've mentioned this middle-ness that surrounds me before. The idea that I am reflective is sinking more into intentionally into my veins. This newly spaced place in life is like a mirror. The image of me is clear; it exists even more distinctly with each year that passes. And with my image, a reflection is created. A refraction of not just lines and wrinkles, but feelings and inspirations too. As Mama, I am that one big filter for my guys. I am the place where they can absorb light with the intentions of doing nothing other than sending it right back out to those they meet.
And I don't want to miss it. I don't want kick back on auto-pilot cruise control because my boys are too big for themed holiday t-shirts and completely capable of all thing bodily functioning on their own only to miss the chances to invest in them just as much as I did when I Pampers were ALWAYS in the buggy and Mama's handmade applique tees were rocked every.single.holiday.
I want to glow out this filtered light just as much now as I did then.
It just that my life now filters camaraderie a bit more as I am feeding growing bones meant to move best throughout this journey of life. I am here to shine out best over busy. In my steps and with my words. And it is with this new glimpse into my very own mirror, that I re-think my kinda light.
Friendships are important. They need them. I do too. I can't forget that they are learning community and character with their very own filtering process.
And they need space to decide what's important to them. What is priority and what can wait.
Because as much as I want them to dote & goo over the teddy bear cow, they're not gonna. So I settle in and snuggle him all by myself while they are off making bathroom jokes while they find their own way through the rotting corn maze.
And as much as I want my oldest to pick the perfect protocol of pumpkin, I am reminded that perfection is stupid.
So I high five my big guy as he selects the pumpkin he's named "Evil Emerald". Green has always been his favorite color.
This new October of my life is bitter and sweet. It's twisty and encompassing too. I find myself sidelined and then all of sudden in the game for that last second shot. I'm marveling them from afar more while secretly practicing my aim so when the time comes, I am sure not to miss.
My filtering feels best when I am intentional on my journey. Not dragged completely into theirs, but purposeful moving in the steps meant best for me. It's as if we are bound together by those very vines twisting us together, yet keeping us separate as we grow. Mama & child.
So here we go, boys. Me & you. Raise up, my fine young scarecrows. Mama is here to frighten away your fears. Always, I will be. When you need me, you'll know just where to look. I'll be just over there snuggling the teddy bear cow while I practice my jump shot of you.
To open all 31 gifts from this month long celebration. visit here.